Friday, September 27, 2019

Weathered Forgiveness


Weathered Forgiveness

The sky lost its sunny smile and took on the cold hard scowl of winter. I watched the clouds, dark and low, threatening to roll toward us.

Until now the day had been bright and mild. The roadsides and lawns stubbornly clung to their summer garb and scoffed at the menacing weather. Leafless trees stood stark and defiant against an icy blue sky.

I sighed, lamenting the passing of fall. Constant busyness kept me inside and I hadn’t so much as scuffed through the leaves. Their bright brassy voices had shouted at me to come out and play, but I could barely spare them an admiring glance. Even their deaths went unnoticed until I heard the grumbling north wind dispose of their drab remains.

It was already the end of November, and I wanted life to slow down. It seemed to be in some sort of hurry and I felt caught up in a race against my will.

Our family was driving to the airport to see my son, Lance, catch his flight back to the Navy Base in North Carolina. His last day of the Thanksgiving Holiday with us found me scurrying to do a million and one things. I thought about the autumn leaves; once again life made unfair demands on my time, and robbed me of a relaxed visit with my son.

“It wasn’t always like this, was it?” I leaned my head against the passenger seat, trying to remember. Lance sat in the back with his brothers and sisters, their voices soft and fading, while sleep claimed a small portion of my precious time.

Several minutes later I jerked awake. Snowflakes fell in slow motion from a now darkened sky, like aimless drifters unsure of their destination. Then I watched the wind chasten them, and they hurled themselves against the windshield in a frenzy. It was as if Old Man Winter appeared on the scene and decided to take charge. With a sudden icy blast of his breath, he banished the last remnants of fall from his sight before he drove the dark clouds eastward.

Something familiar about the entire scene before me tugged at the pit of my stomach. I watched headlights passing by on the left side, and the road hurrying away on my right. Without warning, time dislodged a small chunk of memory, dropping it into my lap, leaving a gaping hole in the wall I had erected to seal off the past.

Just as sudden, thirty years spilled out of the breach and carried me away like a flash flood. It was another wintry day and I was on the road staring at the same scenery, and driving in the same weather conditions, pregnant with the same son I was soon to watch fly away.

Thirty years earlier, moving from Rhode Island to Washington State in the dead of winter, and due to have a baby in four months, I harbored anger and resentment toward his father. And although I kept my feelings about his continuous infidelity concealed, my frustration surfaced in the worst way, for I became abusive to our daughter, Erin, and less than a model mother to our oldest son, Eric.

Bitterness consumed me. I ended up with an acute case of toxemia by the time Lance was full term. Social Services became involved, and put Erin in the hospital for tests, as she was terribly undernourished. While we were there, I went into labor.

The added complications of Lance's transverse position brought us both dangerously close to not making it through his delivery. When I came to, I was hooked up to IVs and a catheter. I was too groggy to hold my baby, but deemed cognizant enough to be told Erin had been removed from our home.

Unable to move, and nearly out of my mind with pain, I had no control over my life or what was happening to my children. A week on morphine for the excruciating pain left me in a worsened condition, and from there my life spiraled into a state of despair.

Due to the traumatic birth and the effects of the highly addictive drug, I was unable to nurse my little boy, and for nearly a week I saw him only at arm’s length as I floated in and out of a dream-like stupor. The natural, normal bonding of mother and son never took place. My breasts, swollen with an ample supply of useless milk, made it painful to try and hold him; instead, Lance took his bottle propped up with a blanket on the couch or in his bassinet.

I spent the next month dealing with the unbearable symptoms of withdrawal. Migraines and depression made it impossible to handle even the simple chores, and the cruel reality of life left me without hope and turning into an abusive mother.

A little over a year later Erin was permanently taken away, and living in denial about myself and my marriage, I became pregnant with our second daughter, Jeni. Within a month after her birth, my children and I were abandoned and left to subsist on welfare. Social Services stepped in once again.

At age twenty-four, I’d had four children in five years and suffered through a horrible marriage. At age twenty-five I had nothing; my children were all in adopted homes, and I was on my own. 

Added September 27, 2019 (I had no one to blame but myself, for I had become abusive, taking out my humiliation, frustration and eventual hatred toward my husband for his infidelity and sexual perversion, on my children, instead of seeking help. My excuses were nothing more than not facing up to the unrecognizable person I had become.)

I tried pushing away from the memories but the overwhelming feeling of dèjà vu grabbed me and threw me back into the choking debris of the past. I had changed, but nothing could take away the pain of those memories. My heart cried out for help, but instead of throwing me a lifeline, the Lord made me look at the disgusting flotsam. At first I didn’t understand, but when I stopped swimming against the current trying to drag me down, I watched the past float away.

“That’s not a part of your life anymore,” His still small voice reminded me.

My legs relaxed and my feet touched bottom. I stood up. The Truth and God’s forgiveness were beneath me all that time, solid as a rock. I shook free from the memories. I had a new life now, along with a wonderful husband and seven beautiful children. And through a miraculous turn of events, I found Eric and Lance, both of whom assured me they harbored no ill feelings for anything that had happened in the past.

I blinked my way back to the present and stared at the immediate transformation of the landscape. The trees, bare to the bones but a few minutes ago, stopped shivering and hugged their fluffy winter coats. The green grass surrendered its smugness, and then disappeared altogether under a clean blanket of white.

Surrounded by the beauty of the newly fallen snow, my mind cleared as we walked toward the airport. Once inside I stayed close to my son, feeling like the wintry world outside. We stood around saying our good-byes. I was last. Held in a warm embrace, I heard the whispered words, “Thank you, Mom.” The gaping hole of the past closed, repaired by his unconditional, forgiving love.

As I watched the plane bear Lance away, I was left with the assurance that the bond between mother and son had wrapped its arms around us, and finally would have a chance to take hold. “Now,” I thought, “if I could just get time to slow down a bit...”



 


In His Love,

Sunday, September 08, 2019

Climbing Man-made Mountains . . .


Have you ever had a mountain top experience only to have your euphoria shattered by the reality it was a structure manufactured by your own pride and vanity? A fantasy dream, nothing more than an ego trip, from which you slipped and fell? I've been there, and it's not a pretty sight!

I am so thankful for the Lord's safety net, and the knowledge He is with me the whole time, waiting at the bottom to catch me when I fall. His love and care is never diminished by our careless acts of self-importance and foolish inclinations. God's true nature is far beyond our comprehension and what so many people believe it to be. He is the essence of Love, and all it encompasses, including righteous judgement.

It's with that understanding He'll then open our eyes and show a true mountain to ascend, knowing that once we reach the top, we'll soar from the edge on wings of faith and hope, able to conquer any fear or doubt, having the strength to lift others up along the way.

Thank God He loves us and is always there no matter what mistakes we've made in the past. His Endless Love is sufficient!

In His Love,

Sunday, February 11, 2018

It's Time . . .



Time just seems to drip away, doesn't it? It's nearly the middle of February already, and the world seems to be falling apart, although most people appear apathetic and complacent about what's happening around them. Satan has been hard at work skewing the Truth and keeping minds fixated on politics, and not on what's important. Christians fuss and fight over non-salvation issues, and ignore the weighty matters of Jesus' imminent return and knowing the Word of God so they can bring unbelievers to a saving knowledge of the Lord. Preaching from the pulpit has replaced solid scriptural teaching, and it's more and more evident as those who call themselves Christians blend into the world and accept its system of humanistic values, rather than adhere to the set of standards God has called us to uphold.

If you haven't examined what it is that you believe in light of what the Bible teaches, and where it is that you are headed in the light of eternity, than maybe it's time to sincerely seek the Lord and come back to the simple Truth found in His Word.
In His Love,

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Memories ~ A gift from time past . . .




Memories are a gift from time past
They should never bring us down
Life cannot be rewound
There are no do-overs
No . . .
Time, at our behest, opens doors and lets us
Revisit
Contemplate
Learn from our mistakes and actively make amends
Or
Allows us to recall with fondness
That which refreshes our hearts with the joy
Of
What was




                                                                        In His Love,
                                                                      

Tuesday, August 09, 2016

Stop Trying To Save This Planet . . .



Just as beauty fades with age, the beauty of this world, though still apparent in some places, is swiftly fading away. And it is all by design, for the Lord does not want us trying to save this planet or making it better, He wants us to spend time trying to save those who are lost and facing an eternity apart from Him . . . in hell.

We need to wrap our minds around a realm without time constraints~a place of UN-ending beauty and pure joy~a place, it is said in the Scriptures, that God is preparing with things our finite minds cannot dream of or imagine! The truth is, this world is destined to be destroyed, for it bears the ugly scars of wars, the ravages of time and weather, along with the pollution brought about by mankind's misuse and abuse~all results of our sin and rebellion against God. Read II Peter 3 and get a sense of what God desires of us, while we are still here. Until the Lord returns, we can only make the world a better place by making sure the inhabitants hear the pure Word of God and come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, His Son!

In His Love,
 Mid

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

The Way of Grace


There is no grace like that of the forgiveness of sins received from a righteous Holy God. And we, who are recipients of His grace, would do well to walk each day in a humbled attitude of grateful praise and thanksgiving! For we are immortals trapped in mortal bodies prone to sin, until the moment we are set free and enter eternity, clothed in perfection. No one, save those who are raptured at His appearing, can escape death, but we were created to live forever beyond the grave, either in God's presence to enjoy the unimaginable beauty and wonder He has prepared for us, or to spend an eternity apart from Him in darkness and torment. This is the reality set before each one of us, and we have but to choose which destination will be ours.

I pray you choose life eternal: Romans 10:1-13

In His Love,

Thursday, April 28, 2016

How Can It Be~ Lauren Daigle

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In His Love,

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Hero Hysteria . . .


The World is clamoring for a Hero. And if someone rises with promises to right the wrongs, feed the hungry and bring peace to war-torn nations, he will be welcomed with adoration and praise and  . . . Worship! He will deceive Many, but they won't realize it until it's too late!

My Hero is coming back in clouds of glory to right the wrongs, feed and nurture the hungry, and bring peace to war-torn nations! Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Yeshua is Messiah, and He will reign as a righteous King over all the earth.

Please accept Him now. Don't be deceived . . .

In His Love,

Friday, March 18, 2016

Broken . . .


You can only apologize so much for any hurt, or offense you've caused someone in the past. If they can't or won't forgive and see that you've changed, and that your remorse is truly sincere and your apology from your heart, then you have no other option but to let them go and to continue on without them in your life. That doesn't mean you give up on them, but it means you need to give the matter over to the Lord and trust He will work to mend the broken bond between you.

God has called us to peace, and Jesus said that peacemakers are blessed. It's unfortunate some would rather cause division and hold on to their anger. Rather than heal or let someone else heal, they choose to harbor resentment and wear it like a medal to solicit pity and attention. You cannot change another's heart, you can only offer an olive branch . . .they must reach out and take it.

Please Forgive and Forget ~ God does! He also says those who do not forgive cannot be forgiven by Him . . . sober warning!

In His Love,

Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Red Sky in the Morning . . .



       The world is not continuing as it has in the past, regardless of what the mainstream media portrays or what (false) pastors are preaching from pulpits. What is happening today is unprecedented. Signs are everywhere: in the skies, in the ground, in the air, in the nations . . . yet few take the warnings seriously ~ in fact, most refuse to take heed at all. They don't care to be warned, for they don't believe there is anything to be warned about. And so they carry on, as if nothing of significance is taking place, even while the world around them continues to succumb to the forces of evil, leaving unimaginable death and destruction in its wake.
        Until those, who are blinded by their own arrogance or indifference, are directly affected, they do not want be bothered with undisputed facts. They will continue to see only what they want to see, and to hear only what they want to hear, and, being so deceived, they will mock and scoff and even become angry to the point of persecuting (or worse) those who love them enough to point out the truth.
       Yet God forbid that I would cease to warn, though daily am I tempted to give up, for then would I be responsible for the lives of those who might have had their eyes opened to the truth of what's coming upon the world as we know it, and to put their hope and trust in the Lord before it's too late. Unless God takes me out of here, or tells me to not warn any more, I will continue to pray for my family, for Israel, and for an ungodly world and its ungodly leaders . . . especially this nation.
      If you believe in and love the Lord, I hope you will take a stand with me. If you don't know or believe in Jesus, I hope you will give your life over to Him today, before it's too late to ask for forgiveness and to be reconciled with God. The choice is always yours . . . and He is always waiting to extend His love and mercy!
      
In His Love,

Monday, November 30, 2015

Though In His Mercy He May Delay ~God IS Coming!


Psalm 50:3,4, 23  Our God is coming and not staying silent. With a fire devouring before Him and a great storm raging around Him, He calls to the heavens above and to earth, in order to judge His people. "Gather to me my faithful, those who made a covenant with me by sacrifice." "Whoever offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice honors Me; and to him who goes the right way I will show the salvation of God."

Make no mistake: II Peter 3:9: "The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some people think of slowness; on the contrary He is patient with you; for it is not His purpose that anyone should be destroyed, but that everyone should turn from his sins."

God's desire is that all should come to a saving knowledge of His only son, Jesus the Christ (Yeshua the Messiah) and yet, the day will come when He rises from His throne and says enough! He Will judge the earth and all who inhabit it. Now is the time to prepare our hearts, while His mercy is extended to us!

In His Love,

Thursday, November 19, 2015

God's Spirit is Moving!

 
 
 


November 18, 2015 at 6:23 am this morning, I wrote the following down:

 I woke up from a dream I can't remember, but this message came through loud and clear as I was getting up:
A massive transformation of heart will appear to overtake our leaders, but those of us who are not deceived will be perceived as enemies of the state, and many will rejoice at our disappearance. Darkness will cover the world, but they will not be aware until it is too late, and they find themselves in the valley of decision. May God have mercy on those we love, but who love us not . . .

I cried for an hour after I wrote that down, and felt I needed direction from the Lord as to how and when to share. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but knew it was being required of me, so I asked for a sign, not something I do very often, but I needed to know this was real. My best friend prayed for me, and I felt a calm and the Lord telling me to go about business as usual and that I would know when it was time. Tonight, as we were out shopping, I saw the clouds~they were strange at first and then the sky changed constantly for over an hour, beautiful and magnificent, and I knew God was telling me "Now."

In His Love,

Thursday, October 22, 2015

His Image ~ Our Reflection . . .

 
It's the ones around us who are the reflection of God's Glory and Christ's image in us . . .
Something to ponder
 

In His Love,